Family and Children and Personality

The Aggressive Bully and Family Conflict

2011-04-02T13:02:00.000-07:00

Always Right or Excuses and Family Conflict

2011-03-12T10:37:00.000-08:00

The Greedy Bully and Family Conflict

2011-03-11T11:14:00.000-08:00

The Deceptive Lying Bully and Family Conflict

2011-03-10T09:54:00.000-08:00

The Energy Bully and Family Conflict

2011-03-09T09:27:00.000-08:00

The Analytic Bully and Family Conflict

2011-03-08T11:32:00.000-08:00

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The Patient Bully and Family Conflict

2011-03-07T13:10:00.000-08:00

The Love Bully and Family Conflict

2011-03-03T12:27:00.000-08:00

The Fear Bully and Family Conflict

2011-03-02T11:42:00.000-08:00

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Perceptual Bullies and Family Conflict

2011-02-28T09:14:00.000-08:00

Balance, role of Mr. Do and Dragon Driving Car

2011-02-25T11:31:00.000-08:00

Our minds are like a car on a journey. We are driven to seek out the next helpful task or journey. Our minds need to be headed somewhere or boredom sets in. If we do not plan ahead to keep Mr. Do busy at useful things Dragon can sneak in and create diversions by doing the wrong things. Adrenaline may replace boredom. If there is no where to go we may just go anywhere to kill time. With no plans we may end up doing reckless things just for fun.
We can think of Mr Do as the Driver. Ant and Bee are the windshield, they let you see and hear what is going around.

The gas is the Cuddles widget, love is a great motivation. The breaks would be macho, the fear factor.

We could make Geru the GPS system that tells you where you are and where you need to turn to get to your destination.

We can call Rabbit the engine and Turtle the breaks. Mr. Do ultimately applies the breaks but Ant and Bee show you the road, Macho yells danger, Geru confirms it and tells Rabbit to stop and Turtle to apply the breaks.

Spiedy is the dirt on the windshield or the little voice that says go for the gusto without discernment, say pass someone when there is no time to make it because of an oncoming car, or go ahead and drink and drive. Raccoon says its ok to be a road hog and disregard other cars, the road belongs to you. Crow throws out the map or disables the GPS and says you are controlled by Luck so why not do what you want. Coyote is now the engine that is going at high speed and Dragon, the driver, is at war with the other drivers.

Edgar's Grandad and Molly's Grandma

2011-02-23T12:02:00.000-08:00

Edgar's grand dad is a nerd. Molly's grand mom is an emotional person. The affect they have on their children and grand children is very different. They are very good friends to each other. But their personality differences clash at times. Their widgets have to adjust, their Mr. Dos and Dragons have to experiment and find a routine that works for them.

There is one big catch in the drama between them. Molly's grandmother likes to be innovative and spontaneous, part of her personality. Edgar's grandfather does not. He is also oppositional. Now that came from resisting unrealistic parents who expected too much from him. They wanted him to be a different personality. So as a child he bulked at them and in his clever ways opposed and made fun of their futile attempts. He was obsessive and compulsive (that is when the widgets are all strong in their position and so do not listen well to each other) enough to overpower them. That resulted in him never listening enough to mature. Nor does he listen to the Grandmother. It is a set up for conflict.

Military versus Home

2011-02-10T10:54:00.000-08:00

The military is the man's world, he world of testosterone. King of the mountain, the biggest, strongest, fittest man wins. Everyone respects that. No room for soft emotions. The military is about killing.

The home revolves around nurturing the weakest member, the small little one. The baby rules, his needs must be meet or he can die. A fair mother will raise all her children with equal opportunity to be all you can be. The youngest needs her protection against the aggression of older children or adults.

This gives the mother the right to the final decisions revolving around the children. She has a stronger emotional bond for safety for her and the children. If they are happy she is happy. If they are not she is in distress. Family styles that are military lead to war, war from the kids and from their mother. A mother can be a single dad. He will act very similar.

Dad's role is to protect everyone. He needs to put the mother feelings first or he is taking the kids from her. If he listens to her the kids will be happy, she will be happy, and he will be respected and listened to. If not the problem lies else where. Perhaps he is not respectful enough. Perhaps his views of what needs to be done is still interfering with the sense of safety needed by mother and child.

Step dads show us what not to do.

2011-02-01T13:01:00.000-08:00

Step dads often do everything wrong. Our fairy tales are often about the wicked step mom. In old Europe woman often died in childbirth, the average age of death for woman was 25. So lots of children had step moms and they too often did everything wrong. If fairy tales to day were to become classic it would be the Bully Step Dads.

When a step dad becomes part of the family he wants to protect his love, the mother of the children. So he tell those unruly kids to stop and respect their mothers. Now, that seems reasonable but the war begins. Mother and child have a strong bond and mothers let kids get away with a lot. She lets them do it in their style and then shapes their reactions, with emotional reasoning, to a more acceptable behavior.

Will, men are more military. Respect your superior officers or go to the brink. This is where the child feels cut off from his mother, his only life line. He is a kid and can not just pack up and leave. He will fight to the death to reunite with his mother. He may do everything possible to protect their relationship by getting rid of the enemy. The war is on.

Families Form Children's Personalities

2009-10-30T19:12:00.000-07:00

Let me see, where should I start? There are different ways to describe or define families, such as rich or poor, functional or dysfunctional. But since I am coming from a personality perspective I will way there are four basic family types reflecting the four basic personality types.

We have the nerdy or detailed and more to themselves family, the more emotional and dramatic families, the intellectual families, and the doers, action packed families. And of course a family can and most likely is a mixture of personality types.

But all families play out a common drama, the drama of power. We humans want to meet our needs and often misjudge the needs of others. It is a sort of built in faulty thinking, we can see the reason why we make mistakes and so are easy on ourselves, but it may not be so easy to see why others do what they do, so they must be messing up on purpose, consciously or unconsciously, to make life hard on others, or so we think.

This sets up a drama. There is a perpetrator and a victim. If there is a third party they will side more with one than the other, so they are an active or passive rescuer of the victim. What happens next depends on personalities, family scripts, beliefs, and situational pressures. The combinations are limitless.

Family scripts come from a past emotional history that the people in the present may no longer be aware of. So they begin to vie for power, take on the roles of perpetrator, victim, or rescuer from a long forgotten emotional stance in the style of their personalities, beliefs, and compounding situations of current history. I will give you a cartoon to illustrate, lots of them over time, but lets start with a nerd and a non nerd in the next post.

What It Is About

2009-08-27T10:01:00.000-07:00

This series of blogs is about human nature in general, more specifically how personality works to affect individuals, family, groups, and nations. This particular blog is about families and how different families affect personalities.

I want to make psychology easier for those who have not already slaved over psych books. So I have used cartoons to represent key ideas. A review of these can be found in my blog site Psychotoons.blogspot.com. They are not the traditional jargon of past writers but the ideas are still there. I want this endeavor to be fun for me and you. Post comments or questions and I will review them. If you do not want them published please tell me so. The next post is the key to the key concepts. Remember, I will make it simple as it should be for adults and children. For this blog I will only go as far as the Nerd. You can read this and more about the basic personality types in the Psychotoons blog spot to the right.